A new year, and so much new everything.

So, winter break was not kind to me. By the time I got back from going home and going on choir tour, I had hit 242 lbs! Needless to say I was very disappointed in myself. But, I have since dropped down to 235, and that was just in the last week. Of course figuring out that I have a gluten sensitivity has probably paid a big role in the whole losing 7 lbs in 7 days thing. So right now I'm down 42 lbs from my starting weight. Not as fantastic as I had hoped for, but I would say that I'm well on my way to recovery, especially if I can keep dropping a pound a day for awhile. Now I just have to schedule workouts into my crazy busy school-workstudy-work-boyfriend-roomates-house-dog life.

Going gluten free has kind of forced me to eat better; I have a LOT of fruit and veggies, a lot of fruit/veggie based smoothies and salads. I'm sure that the diversity of my diet will improve as I figure out what I can eat instead of focusing on all of the things I can't eat. I just have to find the time to play around with substitutions and I will probably find myself cooking more just because that way I know exactly what I'm putting into my food. I have quickly decided that I like ingredients lists that have maybe... three things on them, because then there's a good chance that it's pretty straight forward.

My personal life has changed drastically too. I feel more stable this year, I'm finally (finally) coming into myself as a person, I feel more comfortable with who I am then I ever have, and I feel like I have a solid group of friends that I can completely be myself around.I also have a new boyfriend, we haven't been together long, but I'm rather smitten with him :). I think it's a good thing, it's definitely a much healthier relationship than most of my others have been, and has the potential to actually last, which is exciting. He makes me want to be the best person I can be, he encourages me to aim high in all areas of my life, and having him in my life gives me another reason to work towards being healthy in all areas of life.

 I feel like I've really come into my own overall. I'm completely self-sufficient theses days, my parents can't afford to help me; which means I get the pleasure of balancing school, work, and paying the bills, groceries, taking care of my dog and my car and just balancing life and finances. It hasn't been easy, but it is rewarding when I get it right. I might have dug myself into some financial issues recently, but sometimes that part of the growing up process. One of my goals this year is to get my finances in order, and I'm working on it.

I'm really excited about 2014. I think it's going to be a good year for me. It is apparent to me that it will include a lot of change, and probably be challenging, but it will be a good. I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me!

Not doing too bad

So I was reviewing my progress today, mainly because the new year is quickly approaching and I wanted to figure out my new goals for the year. I know I said I wanted to lose 40 lbs, but I've lost 28 lbs since last May, which comes out to 4 lbs a month, so it's a little slow, but I'm still fairly happy with it. I went from 255 to 227, so it's still good progress. My goal for next year is to continue to make progress and try to amp it up a little. I would like to reinstate my previous goal to lose 60 lbs in a year. I would rather aim too high than too low and if I achieve my goal I will weigh right around 165 by the end of next year and would only be 20 lbs from my ultimate goal of 145, so that would be pretty exciting. Even if I lose 50 lbs I will be 177, which would still be exciting because it would put me at 100 lbs lighter than I started; but who knows, maybe I will exceed my expectations this time.

I think the hardest part about this whole thing is it is such a long journey, especially when it's such slow going. I suppose I have had a lot of ups and downs and that hasn't helped, but at the same time I've lost 50 lbs overall and that is nothing to scoff at, it's just that it took me over two years and I still have 82 lbs to go.

I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this, and even though I'm probably going to be much older than I wanted to be when I finally reach my goal weight, I will still be so happy and it will be so very worth it in the end. 

I'm back, and I'm bringing friends.

In October 2011 I weighed 277 lbs. I also decided that was completely unacceptable and that I had to do something about it.
...

By January 1st, 2012 I had already done some yo-yo diet and exercising, but had managed to lose 8 lbs, putting me at 269. I vowed right then to never see anything in the 270's ever again.
....

I set a goal for myself. I wanted to lose 60 lbs in a year. It wasn't unreasonable, but I didn't stick with it so I didn't lose all of it. I lasted 100 days and lost 27 lbs from my January start weight, and 35 lbs total.
I wish I had stuck with it then. Instead I gained back some of the weight, but managed to keep off about 22 of the 35 lbs.
....

Now it is May 2013 and here I am; 255 lbs, still way too heavy and still unwilling to give up.
I'm back on Weight Watchers for real, exercising daily, and living with two friends that are also serious about taking this journey to a healthy weight. Together we are going to teach ourselves to eat right, exercise, and live an overall healthy life.
....

My goal for January 1st, 2014 is to lose 40 lbs; I want to weigh 215 lbs or less by then. It still leaves a lot to lose, but it is a reasonable goal that I should be able to reach as long as I stay diligent, and it leaves room for me to surprise myself and exceed my own expectations.

Day 306. Yes I know it's been a long, long time.

Well, I'm back. My original New Years resolution to lose 60 lbs this year is out the window, but I can still lose close to 40 lbs, which is that much less then I started with. That last post back in July I sounded really motivated, and probably was, but it didn't last. I've had ups and downs in the last four months, but that is unimportant now. The cool thing is even though I did gain weight  and had to lose it all again, when I logged in today I had now idea that I was back under the last weight I posted on here, which is a nice thing; if it wasn't for the massive gap between dates, it would fit very nicely into the next weight you would expect to see. Over the last several weeks I have been swimming, watching what I eat, and steadily losing 2 lbs a week, which is a healthy rate and one I would like to keep going.

Starting weight: 277 
Current weight 255.2

Total lost: 21.8 lbs

November 1st weight: 255.2
December 1st goal: 247 lbs
Ultimate goal: = or <147

Crazy idea, but maybe I'll surprise myself

Ok, so back in April I said the trick was NOT falling off the wagon, and shortly afterwards I did fall off. But another key detail in reaching goals is knowing that just because you get off track for awhile, doesn't mean you have to stay off track forever. So I'm back, and determined to get this done. I even cooked up a crazy new plan. I'm going to try to lose what averages out to 1 lb a day for the month of July. I realize this plan could fail, but even if it does my hope is that working towards that kind of goal will allow me to lose a substantial amount of weight in the next month. If my plan ends up being successful, my goal is to go on to lose 18 lbs over the course of August and September for a total of 49 lbs in 3 months. I told you it was crazy. But even if I only lose half of that in that time, I will still be happy because progress is progress. Plus, if I don't hit 209 by the end of 3 months, I can always go back to my goal of reaching that weight by the end of the year. My biggest obstacle in all of this is going to be my left ankle. I sprained it almost 2 weeks ago now and it's still not completely healed; I'm not sure it will ever be the same again. I can still swim with it like this, but I would hesitate to use an elliptical, treadmill, or play DDR with it still being so sore/tender/sensitive. Here's hoping it continues to improve and doesn't slow me down much longer.

Starting weight: 277   
Current weight 256.7 

Total lost: 20.3 lbs

 

July 1st weight: 258
August 1st goal: 227 lbs
Ultimate goal: = or <147

Day 100 - The trick is NOT falling off the wagon.

So obviously I've been gone awhile, and obviously I have had more ups and downs in the past month than usual. I have lost 4 lbs, but if I had been diligent and focused I could have lost quite a bit more. That is in the past now. As I said before, this month the trick has been NOT falling off the wagon. I came close to it several times, but I never fell off entirely. I have learned after years of trying to lose all this excess weight, and yo-yo dieting myself to death that if you start to fall off of that wagon, you cling to it for dear life. You keep SOMETHING consistent, even if it's not much. For me it's been exercise. Even if my eating is out of hand, and it has been more then it hasn't been lately, I still swim, or play DDR, or do something active everyday, and that has been enough to counter my poor eating habits for the most part. I need to start tracking my food again on Weight Watchers. This will be easier to do when I have money to go grocery shopping, eating in the cafeteria is murder on this plan. All in all I'm still glad that I've lost 4 lbs since my last post - it's a bit miraculous honestly. I will not fall off of the wagon, I am in this for the long haul this time and nothing, including me, is going to trip me up. 






Starting weight: 277   
Current weight 242
Current mini-goal: 238
Overall goal for the year: 209
Ultimate goal: = or <147
Total lost: 35 lbs


Previous weights:  
269 1/1/2012
267 1/3/2012
266 1/10/2012
265 1/12/2012 
261 1/22/2012
260 1/28/2012  
257 2/1/2012
255 2/7/2012
254 2/9/2012 
252 2/18/2012 
249 2/25/2012
246 3/3/2012

Stage 1
Goal weight: 238 lbs

S.W. For the year: 269
1^st mini goal: 263 - Done

2^nd mini goal: 258 - Done

3^rd mini goal: 253 Done

4^th mini goal: 248 Done

5^th mini goal: 243 Done

6^th mini goal: 238

Day 63 - progress is a many splendored thing

Mini goal 4 of stage one has been surpassed!!


In other news:

These pants, they didn't fit a few months ago. Actually, they didn't really fit even a couple of weeks ago. Today I can pull them on, zip and button them up, and wear them without horrendous muffin top. That is exciting. 


So, I was off on my height estimate. I'm 5'5", not 5'4". That changes my ultimate goal slightly, in a positive direction. I am currently 24% of the way to my ultimate goal, and 38% of the way to my goal for the year and I am stoked. 




Starting weight: 277   
Current weight 246
Current mini-goal: 243
Overall goal for the year: 209
Ultimate goal: = or <147
Total lost: 31 lbs




Previous weights:  
269 1/1/2012
267 1/3/2012
266 1/10/2012
265 1/12/2012 
261 1/22/2012
260 1/28/2012  
257 2/1/2012
255 2/7/2012
254 2/9/2012 
252 2/18/2012
249 2/25/2012

Stage 1
Goal weight: 238 lbs

S.W. For the year: 269
1^st mini goal: 263 - Done

2^nd mini goal: 258 - Done

3^rd mini goal: 253 Done

4^th mini goal: 248 Done

5^th mini goal: 243

6^th mini goal: 238

I'm all official now

Last night I finally joined Weight Watchers online. It is SO much easier than what I've been doing. I wish I could have gotten on the new plan sooner, but money did not allow it. I'm feeling really happy with my progress, and extremely excited about what's to come. I set my goal for their 5% recommendation, so my next goal is 237.5, and then I'll move on to a 10% goal of 225, etc. It's just really nice to be less stressed out about the entire process. Tracking what I eat and not just how many points I use helps a lot too.

Day 56 - Bye-bye 250s :)

I'm so excited and happy right now. Today I am 1/3 of the way to my goal for the year, and 1/5 of the way to my overall goal!! I have lost 10% of  my body weight so far. As if that all wasn't exciting enough, this officially lands me in the 240s and I am extremely close to my next mini-goal. I'd say it's a great start to my day.

Starting weight: 277   
Current weight 249
Current mini-goal: 248
Overall goal for the year: 209
Total lost: 28 lbs

Previous weights:  
269 1/1/2012
267 1/3/2012
266 1/10/2012
265 1/12/2012 
261 1/22/2012
260 1/28/2012  
257 2/1/2012
255 2/7/2012
254 2/9/2012
252 2/18/2012

Day 55 - Cravings and impatience

I know that I'm not actually hungry right now; I just ate. It was a good, well portioned, filling meal. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to eat. I like food, and I like eating, that's how I got to the problem I'm facing down today. Of course it's not like I'm craving fruit, veggies, or yogurt either, I am having an absurd craving for a Hostess cupcake. I suppose the only good thing is that since I am flat broke I have no way to acquire said cupcake. I'll have a bit of dark chocolate - it's ok in small amounts-  that should take care of that craving.

On another note I am extremely impatient. Don't get me wrong, I've lost 26 lbs so far, that is just under 1/5 of my goal, and that is exciting. But I want to be further along. I have started to feel a little better about myself already, but based on passed experience it will be awhile before I start to feel fantastic. That probably wont hit until somewhere in stage 2.  I guess I will just have to use that as fuel for the fire. I know that I will get there; it will feel great; it will feel like it really didn't take that long in the grand scheme of things and I should have done it ages ago. But until then it feels agonizingly slow.

The Tortoise and the Hare

One of Aesop’s Fables
Illustrated by Arthur Rackham

Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: “Who do you think you are? There’s no denying you’re swift, but even you can be beaten!” The hare squealed with laughter.
“Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can win against me, I’m so speedy. Now, why don’t you try?”
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. “Take your time!” he said. “I’ll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute.”
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise’s face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the hare’s last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
“Slowly does it every time!” he said.

http://childhoodreading.com/?p=3

I am constantly reminding myself of this story. Over the course of this kind of undertaking a person is bound to get discouraged. Sometimes even when I'm making progress I don't feel like I'm making it fast enough. That is when I remind myself that it is the Tortoise, with his slow and steady pace, not the hare, that wins the race. As much as I hate admitting it I know that the more slowly the weight comes off, the more likely it is to stay off. "Slow and steady wins the race. Be the Tortoise." Has become somewhat of a mantra for me.

Day 49 - Another one bites the dust!

I met another mini-goal today, and hit the 25 lb mark; which means I'm halfway through Stage 1 of my 5 stage plan!  Stages 1-4 are weight loss. Stage 5 is all about maintenance.
This feels particularly good right now because for the past week and a half or so I've been bouncing between 254 and 256 even though I was maintaining a good diet and exercising daily. It's nice to break through the plateau. I had been getting pretty discouraged there for awhile.

Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 252
Current mini-goal: 248
Overall goal for the year: 209
Total lost: 25
Previous weights: 
269 1/1/2012
267 1/3/2012
266 1/10/2012
265 1/12/2012
261 1/22/2012
260 1/28/2012 
257 2/1/2012
255 2/7/2012
254 2/9/2012

Stage 1
Goal weight: 238 lbs

S.W. For the year: 269
1^st mini goal: 263 - Done

2^nd mini goal: 258 - Done

3^rd mini goal: 253 Done

4^th mini goal: 248

5^th mini goal: 243

6^th mini goal: 238

Visualize

I like having visual representation of my progress, because I don't always see it when I look in the mirror.
So I made a tracker...


:)

Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 255
Current mini-goal: 253
Overall goal for the year: 209
Total lost: 22
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267 1/3/2012
266 1/10/2012
265 1/12/2012
261 1/22/2012
260 1/28/2012 
257 2/1/2012

Reflection

I want to make sure while I am on this journey that I periodically reflect on my progress. The 20 lbs mark seems like a good place to do that.
Things have changed since I...

1. Decided to really do this. 
2. made a conscious effort to get enough sleep. (for anyone that doesn't know about it, Sleepy Time is a wonderful website that helps you know exactly when you should wake up in order to feel the most rested, regardless of how much sleep you've actually gotten.)
3. Made a conscious effort to drink a lot of water.
4. started back on weight watchers. 
5.  started working out for an hour a day.

Notice there are a lot of "starts" or beginnings involved in this. I started getting enough sleep, I started making sure I was getting enough water, I started watching and tracking what I eat, and I started exercising; really  I just started taking care of myself. That's a big part of this. You have to decide to start being serious about it or you will spend all of your time wishing for something that cannot happen without you taking action.

This brings us back around to my earlier point that starting all of these things and losing 20 lbs has led to a lot of changes so far.

For example:

• I don't wake up parched anymore. 
• I don't think I'm waking up at all hours of the night anymore, anyone who has ever experienced that as a chronic issue knows what a blessing being able to sleep through the night is/would be.
• I'm not tired all the time.
• My friends, particularly my roommates, have noticed a huge shift in my personality. I'm happy and bouncy/hyper almost constantly. Before I was rather lethargic and definitely not hyper or particularly happy.
• I've noticed the increase in energy too. I cannot sit still, and sometimes now when I have trouble falling asleep it's not because my mind is reeling, it's because I'm so hyper. The downside to this is I often feel... scattered, like my brain is trying to do 10 different things at once when I'm supposed to be focusing on one. I seriously wonder sometimes if I have ADHD. 
• My clothes are fitting better all the time.

Some of these changes are probably partially thanks to the medicine I take for depression, but not wholly, this is something that only ever happens to me when I'm taking care of my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I highly recommend, by the way, that if you decide to take on the task of losing a lot of weight and have "baggage" that is just as much emotional as it is physical, that you address the emotional baggage from the get go. It will impede your progress down the road if you don't.
That's going to mean different things for different people. For me it meant getting my depression under control. It feels impossible to take action and get things done when you are so apathetic that nothing interests you and nothing seems very important. It also meant breaking a difficult cycle. As a serial dater, in the sense that I had three serious boyfriends over the course of four years, I had gotten used to always having someone there, and always having a "back-up plan" in case a relationship didn't work out. I was terrified of being single. I did myself a terrible disservice by being that way though. From 2008 through most of 2011 (18-21), I was not single for more then a couple weeks at any given time. I did not give myself a chance to find and really come to know myself, much less take care of or love myself; I was always too busy being wrapped up in someone else. It took me moving half way across the country to even begin to break that cycle. I'm happily single now for the most part, something I didn't think was possible. But it took me leaving everything I have ever known to find that happiness. I'm not saying changes always have to be drastic to work, that's just my story, my prayer is that your path is not quite so difficult. 

If you, like me, are trying to lose a lot of weight, or have the desire to start trying, you have to start believing that you are worth it, that you deserve to reach your goals. You have to start believing that you are strong and capable, and that number that seems so far away is not impossible to reach, it's just off in the distance right now. You have to remind yourself daily that this is a journey, not something that's going to happen overnight, and maybe not even something you can accomplish all in one year. You have to break it down into manageable bits and tackle it pound by pound until you get to where you want to be. You have to have patience, which is something I struggle with, and you have to remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary; unless you're using it to say "I can't continue to try to wish this problem away, I have to take action." NEVER tell yourself that you "can't do this." That is key. You have to actually believe it's possible. You have to be able to envision yourself reaching your goal weight.

I look forward to telling you more about this journey as I experience it, and anyone else out there taking the weight loss journey, you are not alone.
If you want to talk you can email me.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming - Dory from finding Nemo

Day  32
Part 2/6 of stage 1 is complete!
I have lost 20 lbs and am at my 20% mark (12 lbs) for the year, and for losing 100 lbs!!!
Maybe I'll end up losing more than 60 this year? That would be awesome, but as long as I meet that minimum goal I will be happy.
Swimming has turned out to be pretty much the best thing ever. I'm so glad I got back in the water, even though I ask myself daily if I really want to go... and am always glad that I did afterwords.



Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 257
Current mini-goal: 253
Overall goal for the year: 209
Total lost: 20
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267.2 1/3/2012
266.6 1/10/2012
265.1 1/12/2012
261.1 1/22/2012
260.0 1/28/2012

Stage 1
Goal weight: 238 lbs

S.W. For the year: 269
1^st mini goal: 263 - Done

2^nd mini goal: 258 - Done

3^rd mini goal: 253

4^th mini goal: 248

5^th mini goal: 243

6^th mini goal: 238

Four truths

Day 28
1. I started back on weight watchers last Sunday.
2. I (finally) started swimming again today & feel fantastic. Why in the world had I been putting that off?
3. Cuties are the best snack ever, just ask me.
4. I weighed in at 260 today with sopping wet hair.
Also took a walk before I went swimming, which was great since it was actually nice outside. :)

Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 260
Current mini-goal: 258
Overall goal for the year: 209
Total lost: 17
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267.2 1/3/2012
266.6 1/10/2012
265.1 1/12/2012
261.1 1/22/2012

Weighing in

Day 22
Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 261.1
Total lost: 15.9
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267.2 1/3/2012
266.6 1/10/2012
265.1 1/12/2012

Stage 1
Goal weight: 238 lbs

S.W. For the year: 269
1^st mini goal: 263 - Done

2^nd mini goal: 258

3^rd mini goal: 253

4^th mini goal: 248

5^th mini goal: 243

6^th mini goal: 238

Stage 1: Goal weight: 238 lbs
Stage 2. Goal weight: 207 lbs
Stage 3. Goal weight: 176 lbs
Stage 4  Goal weight: 145 lbs
Stage 5: Decide if I want to get down to 140 or 135 and stay under 150.

I've had a pair of goal jeans (1st pair of what will be many) hanging in my closet for awhile now. I tried them on today, just for fun, and I can zip and button them up! They don't look great yet, that will take another 10 lbs or so, but I can technically wear them! I can't even describe how happy that makes me. 
In other news, I'm going to start swimming this week, which also makes me happy and should help me continue to lose weight and ultimately reach my goals.

Some days man....

 I ate WAY too much at lunch today, and haven't really gotten a workout in. But at least I'm making a fairly healthy dinner. As long as that one meal doesn't set the stage for the rest of the day or tomorrow, things should be fine.

Woot!

Starting weight: 277  
Current weight 265.1
Total lost: 11.9
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267.2 1/3/2012
266.6 1/10/2012

Dealing with the temptation to eat the wrong thing or at the wrong time

Can you overcome the temptation today? That is the question I have been asking myself a lot, especially when cravings for unhealthy foods hit. It goes something like this: "Man, Top Ramen sounds sooo good right now. But I don't need it... I really want it... and the temptation for it will just get stronger with time. I really want to lose weight and keep it off, which means I need to change my habits, but I can't imagine not eating that food for the rest of my life." Now first off, I don't want to get that extreme with it. But I do want to greatly diminish how frequently I eat that particular food. So I ask myself "What about today? Can you just not eat it today, and worry about the next craving whenever it appears?" So far, the answer has been yes. I figure as long as I can answer "yes" to that question at least 75 or 80% of the time, it will still be a vast improvement. 
I have to do about the same thing with mindless eating, except the question in that instance is "Am I actually hungry, or am I just bored/depressed/etc.?" I hate that I am an emotional eater, but I am, so I have to deal with it.

Weigh in

Start weight: 277  
Current weight 266.6
Total lost: 10.4
Previous weights: 
269    1/1/2012
267.2 1/3/2012
 ____________________________________________________________________________________
2.4/60 for the year
10/366 days
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Yay! I did manage to lose a little bit while on tour, and I'm still a bit ahead of schedule for my goal for the year. Now that choir tour is over I should be able to really get to work on this. Who's excited? This girl! :)

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow morning I will finally be able to weigh in. I'm nervous! The people we stayed with on tour were so lovely, and so happy to give us cookies, brownies, candies, and more food then we needed for the day. Add that to three 8 hour road trips in one week, and 3-6 hours per day on the road the rest of the time, and it's not looking too promising. But whatever tomorrow brings, I suppose as long as it's not above my starting weight for the year I will be ok. I really hope it's a bit lower than that though.

Fingers crossed!

1 week down

I still don't know exactly how much progress I've made, and probably wont be able to check until i get back to school on Monday. At any rate I'm happy with the progress I am starting to see, changes in my face and how my clothing fits. I did accomplish my goal of eating better yesterday and have done well so far today. I can't wait to get back so I can start an exercise regimine too.

day 6/366

Up until yesterday, I did pretty well with my eating. When I spend 8 hours in a car, or in this case on a bus, I tend to eat way too much, and yesterday I did. I am trying not to repeat that mistake today. I do believe progress has been made though. The skirt I am wearing today was lose to begin with, but now I have to really watch it and make sure it doesn't fall too low. Sounds annoying but I can't help but be happy about it. I really hope wherever I stay tonight has a scale in the bathroom... I want to know where the numbers are at.

and today's weight is...

S.W. 277
C.W. 267.2
-/+ 9.8 lbs
I'd say that's a pretty good start.

2 days down, 364 to go.

Today was good. I ate well, kept track of my calorie intake, and came in well under the calorie max I set for myself. I didn't get much exercise in other then two hours singing on risers... that has to count for something right? It should, even if it's not much. Anyway, I feel good about today. I didn't get as much water as I should have but it was still more then I would have if I hadn't been paying attention.

One week of choir touring starts tomorrow, so it should be interesting making sure I'm eating right and hydrating since I have very little control over what will be available for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and no control over how often we stop. Another challenge is that I am really the type of person that needs to eat 4-5 smaller meals throughout the day rather then "3 square meals", spreading things out is what helped me do well today. It will be interesting, and possibly difficult, but as long as I stay on top of myself about it I should be ok. Wish me luck.

365 days.... actually, this year it's 366.

S.W. 277
C.W. 269
Total lost: 8
Ok, so my extremely cliche new years resolution is to lose weight, obviously. But more specifically I aim to lose 60 lbs this year, and then do it again in 2013. Some personal things cropped up recently and so did my weight; I'm back to 269 lbs. At least I kept off 8 lbs of what I lost. So my goal for January 1st, 2013 is to weigh 209 lbs or less, and my goal for January 1st, 2014 is to weigh 149 lbs or less. These seem reasonable, but we'll see where I'm at this time next year.

I'm on the edge

of glory, and I'm hanging by a moment of truth... lol, jk
I'm teetering on the edge of actually being under 260. Yesterday I weighed myself late in the day and got 259.8... which usually would mean that I would have gotten lower numbers if I had weighed myself in the morning. But today I weighed in at 260.8 again. So I'm probably still bouncing around a 3 lb range, like before, it's just a lower range now. It's so frustrating being so close to the 250s though... just not quite there.

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 260.8 lbs
+/- : -1.3 lbs
Total lost: 16.2

Stage 1
Goal weight: 244 lbs

1st mini-goal: 269 - Done
2nd mini-goal: 264 - Done
3rd mini-goal: 259
4th mini-goal: 254
5th mini-goal: 249
6th mini-goal: 244

Vacation...

I'm taking a mini-vacation at my cousins house this weekend, so I'm away from school, and the scale, for a few days. I'm a little anxious about that. I guess it will either be a very exciting thing if I lose weight over the next few days, and a discouraging thing if I gain. But either way it's a good test of how well I manage myself when I'm not monitoring my weight daily, and a good way to start deciding if I want to weigh myself less frequently then I have been.

substitution

I forgot to add in my earlier post that I realized a few things today:
1) Sliced Green and Red Peppers have become my french fries
2) I am doing better at not getting oversized portions of food for myself.
3) When I do serve myself oversized portions, I no longer feel that I have to eat what's let once I'm full, in order to not be wasteful. If I want to avoid that, I need to get smaller portions. If I fail to get smaller portions, it really is ok to dispose of any extra food.
4) This one is kind of a duh, and I've known it for a long time, but I think I'm ready to use that knowledge... if I don't keep things like chips and top ramen around in my apartment, I won't eat those things. DUH!

Brick by brick and stone by stone

I love visuals, so I made this today:

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 262.1 lbs
+/- : -14.9 lbs

Stage 1
Goal weight: 244 lbs

1st mini-goal: 269 - Done
2nd mini-goal: 264 - Done
3rd mini-goal: 259
4th mini-goal: 254
5th mini-goal: 249
6th mini-goal: 244


Stage 2. Goal weight: 211 lbs
Stage 3. Goal weight: 178 lbs
Stage 4  Goal weight: 145 lbs
Stage 5: Decide if I want to get down to 140 or 135 and stay under 150.

     Today is one of those days where I start to think about going back to weighing myself once a week.
Yesterday I weighed in at 260.7 lbs. It felt so good, so very close to getting out of the 260s and into the 250s, which would bring me that much closer to my goal. Today, watching the scale bounce up that extra 1.4 lbs felt so terrible. I know that isn't much and can be easily accounted for, but it's just the way I'm wired; anytime the numbers rise, I feel bad, anytime they lower, I feel good. I'm trying not to worry about it too much though. I need to stay focused, not worry about yesterday and just do my best today.
    I also need to remember that 1) I am still a little ahead of my original goal for this month, and 2) for some reason this has been the nature of my weight loss from the get-go this time. I bounce around in a 2-3 lb range for about a week, this week it's been between 260 to 263, but in the end I still lose weight, and the range lowers.
    I'm just impatient; I want the weight off so badly sometimes that taking things one day at a time and making progress at or above the recommended rate feels like a snails pace. I realize that it's not going to come off in the drop of a hat. I've even mapped out a 5 stage, 2 year plan because that's how long it's going to take me if I do this correctly, and that helps, it still doesn't make this easy. 

Never again, again.

Because it’s always the last time and never again will you weigh as much as you do at the time you decide that. You get started and things go well for a few weeks, maybe a few months, than you fall off the wagon, and you eventually find yourself back at the beginning saying this is the very last time, because this time you are going to lose it all and keep it off.


I'm 21, fun, artsy, intelligent, interesting, ambitious, told that I'm very talented musically, and sick of people referring to me to as "that fat chick" behind my back. I know I have a lot of good things to offer the world and a lot of opportunities at my fingertips, but I let my weight hold me back.
This is not a new battle for me. It's one I've been fighting, surrendering to, and killing myself over for most of my life. I have tried everything from Weight watchers to crash diets and developed eating disorders that still haunt me along the way.


One thing I've really come to understand and embrace recently is that this kind of weight loss requires more than a long term plan. If I try to set an ultimate goal and only use that, I end up getting discouraged because the goal seems so far out of reach. But if I set smaller goals throughout this journey, it is easier for me to see my progress and stay on board.


Another thing that I now do each morning is tell myself that I will do my best to make the right decisions about what I eat and how active I am that day. I do this to remind myself that no matter how bad yesterday was, or what trials and temptations may come up tomorrow, today is the only day I need to focus on right now; I believe that is a philosophy I can take with me throughout my entire life.


I suppose what really matters is that I haven't given up. About two months ago I started this journey again and am intent on success. I'm not making excuses for myself and I'm not going easy on myself. This is going to be incredibly difficult, undoubtedly time consuming, and entirely worth it in the end.

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 263 lbs
+/- : -14 lbs
1st goal: 265 - Done
2nd goal: 260
-100 lbs goal weight: 177
Ultimate Goal Weight: 145