I'm on the edge

of glory, and I'm hanging by a moment of truth... lol, jk
I'm teetering on the edge of actually being under 260. Yesterday I weighed myself late in the day and got 259.8... which usually would mean that I would have gotten lower numbers if I had weighed myself in the morning. But today I weighed in at 260.8 again. So I'm probably still bouncing around a 3 lb range, like before, it's just a lower range now. It's so frustrating being so close to the 250s though... just not quite there.

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 260.8 lbs
+/- : -1.3 lbs
Total lost: 16.2

Stage 1
Goal weight: 244 lbs

1st mini-goal: 269 - Done
2nd mini-goal: 264 - Done
3rd mini-goal: 259
4th mini-goal: 254
5th mini-goal: 249
6th mini-goal: 244

Vacation...

I'm taking a mini-vacation at my cousins house this weekend, so I'm away from school, and the scale, for a few days. I'm a little anxious about that. I guess it will either be a very exciting thing if I lose weight over the next few days, and a discouraging thing if I gain. But either way it's a good test of how well I manage myself when I'm not monitoring my weight daily, and a good way to start deciding if I want to weigh myself less frequently then I have been.

substitution

I forgot to add in my earlier post that I realized a few things today:
1) Sliced Green and Red Peppers have become my french fries
2) I am doing better at not getting oversized portions of food for myself.
3) When I do serve myself oversized portions, I no longer feel that I have to eat what's let once I'm full, in order to not be wasteful. If I want to avoid that, I need to get smaller portions. If I fail to get smaller portions, it really is ok to dispose of any extra food.
4) This one is kind of a duh, and I've known it for a long time, but I think I'm ready to use that knowledge... if I don't keep things like chips and top ramen around in my apartment, I won't eat those things. DUH!

Brick by brick and stone by stone

I love visuals, so I made this today:

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 262.1 lbs
+/- : -14.9 lbs

Stage 1
Goal weight: 244 lbs

1st mini-goal: 269 - Done
2nd mini-goal: 264 - Done
3rd mini-goal: 259
4th mini-goal: 254
5th mini-goal: 249
6th mini-goal: 244


Stage 2. Goal weight: 211 lbs
Stage 3. Goal weight: 178 lbs
Stage 4  Goal weight: 145 lbs
Stage 5: Decide if I want to get down to 140 or 135 and stay under 150.

     Today is one of those days where I start to think about going back to weighing myself once a week.
Yesterday I weighed in at 260.7 lbs. It felt so good, so very close to getting out of the 260s and into the 250s, which would bring me that much closer to my goal. Today, watching the scale bounce up that extra 1.4 lbs felt so terrible. I know that isn't much and can be easily accounted for, but it's just the way I'm wired; anytime the numbers rise, I feel bad, anytime they lower, I feel good. I'm trying not to worry about it too much though. I need to stay focused, not worry about yesterday and just do my best today.
    I also need to remember that 1) I am still a little ahead of my original goal for this month, and 2) for some reason this has been the nature of my weight loss from the get-go this time. I bounce around in a 2-3 lb range for about a week, this week it's been between 260 to 263, but in the end I still lose weight, and the range lowers.
    I'm just impatient; I want the weight off so badly sometimes that taking things one day at a time and making progress at or above the recommended rate feels like a snails pace. I realize that it's not going to come off in the drop of a hat. I've even mapped out a 5 stage, 2 year plan because that's how long it's going to take me if I do this correctly, and that helps, it still doesn't make this easy. 

Never again, again.

Because it’s always the last time and never again will you weigh as much as you do at the time you decide that. You get started and things go well for a few weeks, maybe a few months, than you fall off the wagon, and you eventually find yourself back at the beginning saying this is the very last time, because this time you are going to lose it all and keep it off.


I'm 21, fun, artsy, intelligent, interesting, ambitious, told that I'm very talented musically, and sick of people referring to me to as "that fat chick" behind my back. I know I have a lot of good things to offer the world and a lot of opportunities at my fingertips, but I let my weight hold me back.
This is not a new battle for me. It's one I've been fighting, surrendering to, and killing myself over for most of my life. I have tried everything from Weight watchers to crash diets and developed eating disorders that still haunt me along the way.


One thing I've really come to understand and embrace recently is that this kind of weight loss requires more than a long term plan. If I try to set an ultimate goal and only use that, I end up getting discouraged because the goal seems so far out of reach. But if I set smaller goals throughout this journey, it is easier for me to see my progress and stay on board.


Another thing that I now do each morning is tell myself that I will do my best to make the right decisions about what I eat and how active I am that day. I do this to remind myself that no matter how bad yesterday was, or what trials and temptations may come up tomorrow, today is the only day I need to focus on right now; I believe that is a philosophy I can take with me throughout my entire life.


I suppose what really matters is that I haven't given up. About two months ago I started this journey again and am intent on success. I'm not making excuses for myself and I'm not going easy on myself. This is going to be incredibly difficult, undoubtedly time consuming, and entirely worth it in the end.

Starting weight: 277 lbs
Current weight: 263 lbs
+/- : -14 lbs
1st goal: 265 - Done
2nd goal: 260
-100 lbs goal weight: 177
Ultimate Goal Weight: 145