Reflection

I want to make sure while I am on this journey that I periodically reflect on my progress. The 20 lbs mark seems like a good place to do that.
Things have changed since I...

1. Decided to really do this. 
2. made a conscious effort to get enough sleep. (for anyone that doesn't know about it, Sleepy Time is a wonderful website that helps you know exactly when you should wake up in order to feel the most rested, regardless of how much sleep you've actually gotten.)
3. Made a conscious effort to drink a lot of water.
4. started back on weight watchers. 
5.  started working out for an hour a day.

Notice there are a lot of "starts" or beginnings involved in this. I started getting enough sleep, I started making sure I was getting enough water, I started watching and tracking what I eat, and I started exercising; really  I just started taking care of myself. That's a big part of this. You have to decide to start being serious about it or you will spend all of your time wishing for something that cannot happen without you taking action.

This brings us back around to my earlier point that starting all of these things and losing 20 lbs has led to a lot of changes so far.

For example:

• I don't wake up parched anymore. 
• I don't think I'm waking up at all hours of the night anymore, anyone who has ever experienced that as a chronic issue knows what a blessing being able to sleep through the night is/would be.
• I'm not tired all the time.
• My friends, particularly my roommates, have noticed a huge shift in my personality. I'm happy and bouncy/hyper almost constantly. Before I was rather lethargic and definitely not hyper or particularly happy.
• I've noticed the increase in energy too. I cannot sit still, and sometimes now when I have trouble falling asleep it's not because my mind is reeling, it's because I'm so hyper. The downside to this is I often feel... scattered, like my brain is trying to do 10 different things at once when I'm supposed to be focusing on one. I seriously wonder sometimes if I have ADHD. 
• My clothes are fitting better all the time.

Some of these changes are probably partially thanks to the medicine I take for depression, but not wholly, this is something that only ever happens to me when I'm taking care of my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I highly recommend, by the way, that if you decide to take on the task of losing a lot of weight and have "baggage" that is just as much emotional as it is physical, that you address the emotional baggage from the get go. It will impede your progress down the road if you don't.
That's going to mean different things for different people. For me it meant getting my depression under control. It feels impossible to take action and get things done when you are so apathetic that nothing interests you and nothing seems very important. It also meant breaking a difficult cycle. As a serial dater, in the sense that I had three serious boyfriends over the course of four years, I had gotten used to always having someone there, and always having a "back-up plan" in case a relationship didn't work out. I was terrified of being single. I did myself a terrible disservice by being that way though. From 2008 through most of 2011 (18-21), I was not single for more then a couple weeks at any given time. I did not give myself a chance to find and really come to know myself, much less take care of or love myself; I was always too busy being wrapped up in someone else. It took me moving half way across the country to even begin to break that cycle. I'm happily single now for the most part, something I didn't think was possible. But it took me leaving everything I have ever known to find that happiness. I'm not saying changes always have to be drastic to work, that's just my story, my prayer is that your path is not quite so difficult. 

If you, like me, are trying to lose a lot of weight, or have the desire to start trying, you have to start believing that you are worth it, that you deserve to reach your goals. You have to start believing that you are strong and capable, and that number that seems so far away is not impossible to reach, it's just off in the distance right now. You have to remind yourself daily that this is a journey, not something that's going to happen overnight, and maybe not even something you can accomplish all in one year. You have to break it down into manageable bits and tackle it pound by pound until you get to where you want to be. You have to have patience, which is something I struggle with, and you have to remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary; unless you're using it to say "I can't continue to try to wish this problem away, I have to take action." NEVER tell yourself that you "can't do this." That is key. You have to actually believe it's possible. You have to be able to envision yourself reaching your goal weight.

I look forward to telling you more about this journey as I experience it, and anyone else out there taking the weight loss journey, you are not alone.
If you want to talk you can email me.